I have been away from the blog for a bit, first taking care of some family stuff (teens live complicated, labor intensive lives) and then taking an anniversary trip.

We’ve never had one of those before, and this was a pretty big occasion, so we saved up for something fancy.  Which is also something we haven’t really done before.  Our honeymoon wasn’t especially lavish, because we were broke students. That didn’t change until well after we had children. So any travel we’ve done has been family vacations for the last twenty years.

So we ditched the kids, the dogs, and the sink full of dishes and went to Palm Springs.


Tub romance
The Dirty Weekend, Exhibit A

Palm Springs in July is not everyone’s idea of a good time. It is hot.  Very, very hot.  So hot that I burned myself on my seatbelt more than once (I’m not always a fast learner).  But the hotels are cheaper and the air conditioning is usually good. To be honest, we weren’t planning to spend much time outside anyway.

Our hotel had a pool (open 24 hours for midnight swims), beautiful gardens, a private patio with a jacuzzi tub, and a lovely, noisy bed.  In short, it was perfect for us to focus on relaxing and connecting with each other.

Which is the main reason I’m telling you about my vacation.

While the tub and the romantic atmosphere certainly made it easier to have some fantastic sexy-time, and I can’t say enough nice things about the hotel, I don’t think the place was what made the biggest difference. The details of the vacation are pretty, but unimportant. Having time set aside, removed from everyday stresses and devoted to our relationship was the real luxury.  It was a relief to spend some time without worrying about more than which restaurant had the best air conditioning. (note: the best air conditioning is actually at the Palm Springs Art Museum)

Too many fake candles? Too much lickable massage cream? NO. SUCH. THING.

I fully expected to have a great dirty weekend, regardless of the weather, but I found out that my dirty weekend meant more than lots of sex.

There was time to devote to my own peace of mind. Time to laugh and to play and to remember what is like to be a person, not just a mother.  And time to focus on what makes me feel sexy.

It turns out that the biggest thing that makes me feel sexy is not having a huge list of responsibilities nagging at me in the back of my head.  The beauty of the hotel didn’t relax me by itself, but it created a kind of ceremonial space devoted to relaxation.


Setting aside a time for peace and serenity helped me. I hadn’t realized how much stress I was trying to ignore until it was gone for a while. Having a space devoted to it made it easier for me to let go.  Palm Springs has given me a new goal: figuring out how to bring more of that peace and relaxation home with me. My every day world needs to feed my heart so I don’t have to go to Palm Springs every weekend.  I need to create a space that will encourage relaxation and, even if it is only for a little while,

What’s the easiest way to put a pool in a side yard?



relaxing lantern
The garden of the Andalusian Court



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